The first year after we lost Justin, we walked through a series of trials that left my head spinning. The air conditioner stopped working mid-summer; our car broke down, the garage door malfunctioned, and the fridge was leaking. My final tipping point was when I walked into the garage and found a pool of water coming from our water heater. I walked right back into the house, locked myself in the bathroom, and cried, “How long, O’ Lord, will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1a)
Earlier today, as I was shampooing the carpet, I remembered how, in my early days of grief, my mind played in a continuous loop. Oh, how I wished. I wished I would have stopped Justin from going to the lake. I wished I could have somehow known it was my last good-bye, and I love you. I wished I could take away my children’s pain. I wished with all of my heart that I could change our reality.
Lately, a similar train of thought has been running through my mind. Tim’s furlough began almost eight weeks ago. Today, the travel industry is down by 96% from this time last year. The possibility of him returning to work at the end of June seems very unlikely. I long for normalcy, for Tim to be back in his home office on a call helping a client. I wish for a different reality.
I don’t know about you, but when I am in the eye of the storm, I get a sinking feeling the Lord has forgotten me or worst yet, He doesn’t care. Amid such tumultuous thoughts, my best defense and refuge is reading the Word. There, in the Scripture, my mind is renewed in the truth, and I remember His character. When the sky is dark, and we know not what to do, the Word is our sustenance and our compass to right our thoughts.
Today, I went to Psalm 27 and listened to verse 14 over and over again. It says, “Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD.” When I looked at the STRONGS Concordance, I noticed that vs. 14 read, “Wait patiently for the Lord at the beginning of the verse and then again at the end.
Wait patiently means to wait, to look, to hope.
Dear friend, instead of wishing away our problems, the Word instructs us to wait for the Lord, look to the Lord, and to hope in the Lord. It is not a one time practice, but a minute by minute reliance upon Him. And in our waiting, He sustains us with His unfailing love by the power of His Spirit. In this truth, we can be of good courage.
A prayer in the waiting
Dear Lord, you are ever so patient, you know my frailty, and remember that I am but from dust. In my distress, please help me to wait patiently for you. I know not what to do, but my eyes are on you. I love you, O’ God, my strength.