Expectant Waiting: CV Lay-Off Day: 19
Around the nine-month mark, after Tim and I started dating, it became apparent that I was one lovesick girl. Each night, after he dropped me off at my apartment, I would go to my bedroom, lay on my bed, and cry my eyes out. I hated for him to leave, and I could hardly wait to see him again. I know it sounds dramatic, but I was head over heels. Each night, I poured out my heart to the Lord, saying, “Lord, I just want to marry that man.”
That’s when I discovered Lord Psalm 40:1, “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.” I took that Scripture as my own and held on to it until our union was complete on January 14, 1995.
Many years down the road, I would learn a different kind of waiting. When we lost our dear Justin, I learned what it meant to wait for the Lord’s comfort. Up until that point, I’d spent the majority of my Christian life soothing my inner turmoil myself. I usually went for the instant gratification to escape the pain of suffering. My typical (and destructive) go-to was food. But, all of that changed when I made a promise to Justin only six days before he would die.
Now, I faced the deepest pain of my life, and food was no longer an option for my coping mechanism. At first, when fresh waves of grief poured in, I’d find myself standing in front of the pantry looking for something, anything to soothe my ache. It was there, in the throes of grief, that the Lord revealed the unbelief in my heart. When all was said and done, I wasn’t sure if the Lord would come and deliver me from my pain. What if I waited for Him, and He really didn’t care? Would He alleviate my suffering?
I needn’t have worried; because every single time, the Lord faithfully revealed Himself to me and sustained me with His presence.
Slowly, I learned to walk away from the kitchen (with my flesh screaming) and head for my Bible. His Word was/is the sweetest healing balm that I have ever tasted; in it, He comforted me, corrected me, and refreshed my weary soul.
Today, amid COVID-19 and my husband’s lay-off, again, I wait for the Lord. I wait for His wisdom, provision, and His tender care. I am confident that the Lord will not withhold Himself from His children.
One day, we will testify of His goodness together and say, “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.”