So teach us to number our days that we might get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12
For the last decade, I have plastered this verse on note cards, I have written it in my journals, it has been highlighted, hearted, and underlined. I have held this Scripture so dear because I wanted to remember how fleeting this life is. Looking back, I am beginning to understand why the Spirit fervently impressed this truth upon my heart.
When Justin was ten-years-old, and Sarah was eight-years-old, my husband began talking to me about the idea of homeschooling, I was not at all interested. At the time, it felt like such a radical move. In deepest recesses of my heart, I felt completely inadequate for the task and I danced around the subject with Tim for quite some time. Through a series of events, the Lord got my attention and confirmed that He was calling me to quit my part-time ministry job and enter the land of homeschooling. I was totally overwhelmed, but the Lord gave me the courage and strength for each task that He called me to. I am not implying that working for a ministry or sending our children to public school was wrong nor am I suggesting that homeschooling our children made me some “super-hero mom”. The Lord called our family to something else for His purposes. Incidentally, our school days were less than ideal, and my weaknesses did not suddenly become my strengths, but He sustained me.
Looking back, my heart is filled with thankfulness and gratitude because now I can see what a gift that the Lord gave me, time. My shortcomings and lack of what I felt I needed didn’t matter; He knew the number of Justin’s days. The Lord graciously allowed our family to spend an amazing amount of time together making Justin and Sarah best friends. That treasured time allowed Tim and I to pour into both of our children before their three-baby brother’s arrived onto the scene. We enjoyed a sweet like-minded fellowship up until Justin’s final days on this earth.
And now, having tasted the bitterness of death, I truly know what a vapor this life is. With absolute certainty, I recognize that this battle we fight to hold fast to what is good is not in vain. The battle I speak of shows itself in a hypnotic melody that threatens to slowly lull us to sleep with simple distractions and misplaced affections on temporal and worthless pursuits. For the glory of God and in His grace and strength, we must stay alert, guarding our hearts and minds closely in order that we do not waste our allotted days on this earth.
I pray that Psalm 90:12 will be forever branded upon my heart in order that I might be transformed by its power to spend my days wisely. I see with clear vision the blessings that the Lord has entrusted to me. Firstly, I think of my husband. Often, I look into his gentle eyes and realize how thankful I am to be married to my best friend. He has a beautiful gift enabling him to see the big picture in ways that I never can. The Lord has used him to teach me think more deeply and to camp out and wrestle with difficult truths mostly likely preparing me for such a time as this. We have been given a beautiful daughter who is full of life, wit, and insight, with an increasing love for the Lord. Lastly, we have been blessed with an additional three sons who promise to keep us young for many years. Their lives are full of wonder and mischief and their tender hearts toward the Lord is a delight. Therefore, I must stay vigilant, even amid my grief, for each one of these are precious gifts and I do not want to squander one day.
To this I say, “Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!” Psalm 15:1
Forever held in His grip,